**Navigating Family Finances: A Personal Journey in Investment and Emotional Labor**
Around a year ago, a family member sought my assistance with her investments. Unbeknownst to her, she had been incurring approximately a 1% asset management fee to Goldman Sachs Asset Management (GSAM) for a portfolio she didn’t fully grasp, established during her former relationship. Eager for a clean start and to seize control of her financial destiny, she requested my help.
### Comprehending the Financial Environment
We scheduled a call to go over her financial aspirations, worries, and present circumstances. Her background as an artist left her somewhat inexperienced in financial matters, creating a need for a transparent, flexible investment approach that could uphold her lifestyle while mitigating the risk of draining her resources. She sought not only guidance but also a new brokerage platform, and I suggested Fidelity, where I’ve had positive experiences for over twenty years.
Transferring her assets from GSAM freed her from the significant management fees that diminished her potential gains. I reconstructed her IRA portfolios utilizing low-cost exchange-traded funds (ETFs), carefully reflecting her desired asset distribution. This transition saved her thousands annually in fees without compromising growth potential or risk management.
### The Emotional Labor Challenge
Despite the early success, my outlook on managing her finances evolved over time. While her investments soared to new levels in the latter part of 2024 and early 2025, an unfortunate market decline in late March and early April 2025 heightened her anxieties. I received a worried message inquiring about her portfolio’s downturn caused by external influences like trade disputes. Despite my reassurances and sound reasoning regarding market fluctuations, I felt the burden of her disappointment.
She anticipated not only our agreed-upon returns but emotional backing in response to her portfolio’s changes. This was understandable but intensified the pressure on my already taxed emotional capacity, particularly as I too was facing considerable losses in my investments. It became increasingly evident that managing another person’s finances, especially a family member’s, presented a surprising array of emotional challenges.
### The Weight of Free Financial Management
The weight of overseeing her portfolio without remuneration began to diminish my enthusiasm. There exists a reality to the emotional labor present in finance that is frequently overlooked. While my relative gained from my efforts, I found the absence of acknowledgment during routine market gains made the emotional strain feel even more burdensome when the market faced volatility.
If I was to continue assisting her, I needed to establish boundaries that would enable me to engage with the process while safeguarding my own mental health. After reclaiming my time and energy from the demands of a conventional job, protecting my newfound freedom became essential.
### Fees: The Double-Edged Sword
During our initial conversations, one of my main motivations was to redirect her funds away from GSAM, thus sparing her from the cumulative double fees from management and fund-related costs. Paying both management fees and elevated fund fees places one in a financial quagmire, especially as assets expand: a $5,000 annual fee on a $500,000 portfolio can escalate to significant amounts as wealth grows.
If a manager offers strategic, high-value access to exclusive investments, higher fees may be warranted. However, when investments deteriorate due to poor performance under double fees, the financial consequences become starkly clear.
### The Advantages of Professional Financial Management
Having overseen investments for over 15 years, I understand that the advantages of hiring a financial manager go beyond mere asset distribution. Professional advisors provide peace of mind, consistency, and accountability. A competent advisor aids in managing fears and expectations, particularly in turbulent times, offering direction that can differentiate between rash decisions and strategic actions.
### Establishing New Boundaries
While I was devoted to devising an investment plan for my relative, I recognized the necessity to modify our approach. By reassessing risk and concentrating on a more conservative asset distribution, we could alleviate stress. I reminded her that regardless of market conditions, she was saving considerable amounts of money each year due to our transition to lower-cost funds, nurturing resilience in her investment strategy.
### The Importance of Gratitude
If a friend or family member manages your portfolio without charging, demonstrating appreciation through simple gestures can significantly boost morale. Those in a position to rely on familial financial counsel should acknowledge the efforts being invested; a straightforward thank you can greatly enhance relationships.
In conclusion, while I remain dedicated to guiding my relative through her financial journey, I’ve come to realize the significance of emotional boundaries and mutual appreciation in this demanding role. As I steer her towards grasping her finances, I aim to cultivate a mindset that underlines both informed decision-making and a respectful acknowledgment of the time and emotional energy invested.